(This is not my model; it was
seen at an IPMS convention around 20 or so years ago. My apologies for the
poor quality of the photo, but it was scanned from a slide.)
The Democratic Party, in disarray
after two Reagan landslides, realized that a change of image was imperative. Top
Democratic military expert Robert S. McNamara was asked to devise a plan to make
the Party look less wimp-like on Defense, but without diverting any funds from
social welfare give-away programs. McNamara hit upon the idea of arming the
agile Pitts Special to create a highly maneuverable (and extremely cheap)
dogfighter, and then producing these aircraft in large numbers.
Winning instant approval for this
plan from Ted Kennedy and Tip O’Neill, McNamara called in his "Whiz
Kids" and they quickly modified the Pitts design into an "ArmedPitts"
carrying two .50-caliber machine guns and four Sidewinder missiles (they
didn’t want their Pitts to be under-armed). Jim Bede was persuaded to begin
building a prototype, and Democratic hopes soared. McNamara felt that it would
be no sweat for a C-5 to carry several squadrons of ArmedPitts to a trouble spot
where, after being unloaded, the aircraft would be able to immediately Roll-On
to a runway and take off to Spray an enemy with machine-gun fire or Stick him
with a missile. It looked like a Solid plan.
This was not to be, however. The
prototype was shown to military leaders who greeted it with an Arrid silence.
They informed McNamara that the ArmedPitts would not be the Right Guardian for
America’s freedom. Military Mennen women alike were overheard making comments
such as "It’s a Sure loser," and "They Musk be kidding."
Pilot after pilot refused to test the aircraft, commenting dryly that handling
the ArmedPitts would be a hairy proposition since the additional weight of the
armament would keep the aircraft firmly stuck to the runway.
Fearing another TFX-style
scandal, embarrassed Democrats covered up their ArmedPitts and Banned any
further discussion of the idea. The prototype aircraft was Secreted in the
Washington Post’s basement for a time, but was eventually scrapped to prevent
the possibility of discovery and the stink that would result from a rash
disclosure by the Republicans of the Democrats’ ArmedPitts.
James
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